Maybe it’s just easier to open a can…or hire a lawyer

Went down to the Christmas tree lighting event Thursday evening, Nov. 30, at Cooper Park. Nice, well-attended, family-type party. Among those present were two ladies I’ve known for several years.

Fortunately, I had my lawyer with me, and each woman had her own legal adviser in tow. My lawyer and each of their’s huddled together for about 30 billable minutes, and, together, they produced a simple contract of a thousand words. By this agreement, each of the two ladies and I agreed we had no intent of harassment or licentiousness. We then exchanged cautious, chaste hugs right there in the middle of Bankhead Street.

Our lawyers promptly took signed, notarized statements from three different witnesses — a preacher, a choir director and a reasonably sober deacon –who all swore nothing untoward had occurred. (I emphasize, this was two separate hugging incidents. I did NOT hug two different women at the same time. Anything that scandalous would have required an authorization from, at least, a federal magistrate.)

My telling this anecdote should not in any way be construed as approving any acts of sexual harassment by Bill Cosby, Presidents Clinton, Bush, and Trump, any newscaster, any politician, or any other crude, sexual aggressor, whether male or female.

Perhaps lawsuits and accusations of inappropriate behavior, brought decades after the alleged egregious act, etc., are the right way to discourage predatory sexual behavior.

I’m just wondering if it is in any way superior to the offender receiving a timely “ass whoopin,” administered by the victim’s brother, father, boyfriend or husband? (Or, to be politically correct, maybe by the victim’s sister, mother, girlfriend or wife.)

For sure, this new approach has been a windfall for a whole sub-class of bottom-feeding lawyers.