Steve Patterson: Forrest Gump’s mama was right,“Stupid is as stupid does!” Stupid is as stupid does.

Someday, I’m going to die. Guess what? So are you!

How will it happen? I don’t know. A falling meteorite is not likely to strike me, but I guess it’s possible.

A lightning strike could take me out, although that’s not likely either. I don’t make a habit of going near erupting volcanoes, so I’ll probably not be consumed by a fiery river of molten lava. I’m not likely to be eaten by sharks and I don’t think a thundering stampede of elephants will lead to my demise. I don’t know what will get me. I’ve got pretty good genes (my grandmother lived to be 104), but something someday surely will. Steve Patterson and

Steve Patterson, who has a fondness for cigars.

One thing I can guarantee. I will not bet my life on the absurdities coming out of today’s White House. COVID-19 may infect me, but I will not inject myself with bleach, Lysol or that old reliable, Dr. Tichenor’s!! And I will not take the malaria drug hydroxycloroquine, unless I have malaria or lupus or my arthritis gets worse, and it’s prescribed by my doctor!

In other words, I will not bet my life that the snake oil salesman in the White House, the talking knuckleheads on Fox “ news” or the morons wearing MAGA caps know more about COVID-19 than folks with an M.D. or a PhD after their names.

I may be stupid, but I’m not that stupid! I trust you aren’t either?

When my time comes, the Lord will send for me. In the meantime, he blessed me with brains enough to know to get off the tracks when a train is coming!

Today, opportunities for being stupid abound. Response to the present pandemic and questions about when to reopen our country seem to ignore science and place more emphasis and, indeed, more value, on the almighty dollar than on human life! The political party that claims to be pro-life has become the political party that, in fact, values corporate fortunes more than life.

My life’s mantra has always been; know what you know and know what you don’t know.”

— Steve Patterson

Over 100, 000 people have died in America of COVID-19, thus far. Yet, crazy conspiracy theories are being advanced that it’s all a hoax, and the death toll numbers are being manipulated by some unknown sinister force. As one commentator on American culture put it, “We have tapped into the U.S. strategic stupid reserve.” To be sure, we are witnessing, in real time, an amazing display of America’s capacity for stupidity. Perhaps renowned physicist, Albert Einstein, said it best, “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former,”

The facts don’t lie. While New York State numbers are leveling out, most of the rest of the country is NOT. Several recent creditable studies predict significant spikes in the number of deaths and the number of cases diagnosed in the southern states in the coming days. Indeed, our state of Mississippi is surrounded on all sides by states presently experiencing some of the largest spikes in the nation. Especially Arkansas and Alabama! Louisiana has been one of the hardest hit places on the planet since early March. Can we really assume the crisis has been averted? Don’t be Stupid, of course we can NOT.

My life’s mantra has always been; know what you know and know what you don’t know.

Today, some folks seem to stubbornly forget what they don’t know and never knew. Some, in powerful political positions (i.e. President Donald J. Trump) now seem to mistakenly and stupidly think they are epidemiologists or, perhaps equally alarming, pharmacologists! Of course, this is foolhardy and quite dangerous. “Stupid is as stupid does,” indeed!

Recent polling indicates a vast and growing majority of Americans are more concerned about reopening the country too soon, and worsening the deadly pandemic, than with opening it too slowly, and worsening the economy. Yet, a noisy bunch of selfish goons are all up in arms and furiously protesting government policies designed to keep them safe and healthy. Go figure! Seems to me they are foolishly demanding their right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of acute respiratory disease. “Stupid is as stupid does.”

I don’t normally watch daytime TV, but during these days of “stay in place” orders, I’ve been forced to become a consumer of a lot of television trash! Wow, I had no idea how lame, dim-witted, and outright stupid some of the content is. Take, for example, the good Dr. Phil – – what kind of Doc is this guy, anyway? I honestly don’t know. But, in one recent Fox “news” interview, he opined that “45,000 people die each year in automobile accidents, 480,000 die from cigarettes, 360,000 drown in swimming pools and we don’t shut the country down for that!” I don’t know whether his numbers are correct or not, although I suspect they are not, but that’s beside the point. Nonetheless, the last time I checked, automobiles, cigarettes, and swimming pools were not contagious! “Stupid is as stupid does.”

I understand that businesses and the economy are suffering. My livelihood is largely dependent on my ability to travel. Believe me, I get it. But I also know that at my age, and considering my weight (I’m a pretty big ole boy) and my fondness for cigars, coronavirus could easily be a death sentence for me.

Not many things scare me. I’m scared of snakes (which I kill or run from when I see them); motorcycles (which I don’t ride); and invisible deadly viruses (which I try to stay away from)!

As for me, I will take the conservative course of action in response to the virus. I will not eat in a crowded restaurant, fly on a packed airplane, or sit in a movie theater until I’m told it is safe by serious, competent people! Goobers wearing MAGA caps will not convince me otherwise!

I need to know that adequate testing and tracing have been done. I need competent people giving me assurance that it’s safe to resume social contact and that the virus is under control. If other people want to get sick, or perhaps even die, of stupid – I can’t stop them. But, I’m yet to be persuaded it’s now safe!

I will not participate in reopening the economy until folks like Dr. Anthony Fauci persuade me the coast is all clear.

In the meantime, I’ll be content to watch the celebrity lamebrains on daytime TV and throw my house shoes at the kooky screwballs on Fox “News.”

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1 reply
  1. Will Rutledge says:

    I love these sentences together.

    The facts don’t lie. While New York State numbers are leveling out, most of the rest of the country is NOT. Several recent creditable studies predict significant spikes in the number of deaths and the number of cases diagnosed in the southern states in the coming days.

    Statement of fact by the writer bolstered by the preceding sentence that infers the next sentence is a fact. Followed by a prediction!

    You’re right, Steve, the stupid reserves are being drained at an alarming rate!


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